2. If your tent is a single skin, as mine was at Glastonbury (no separate outer waterproof layer), being inside of it is a little like the game where you don't step on the cracks in the pavement - only in this game, you mustn't let anything touch the sides. Pile everything into the middle, then cover it with plastic bags. It's actually not that fun a game...
3. If you're able to, get a tent with a spacious porch. Don't put the ground sheet down and you can use it to 'tent shower' - a 2 litre bottle of water can do the whole body, including hair, if you're sparing with it.
4. If at all possible, work. A few shifts is a teeny price to pay for cheaper drinks, accessible water, better toilets and easy pass in/out. Check out the Mentions page for volunteering suggestions.
5. If you're struggling to get the time off work, you can go straight from the office. The key is to stagger transporting stuff in. On morning no.1, take in your wellies. On morning no.2, deposit the bed, pump & sleeping bag. Morning no.3, the backpack.
6. You're going to need a trusty festival bag. Either across the body, so you never lose it and can always see it, or a rucksack. It must be good quality, strong, secure and not so big that it becomes heavy.
7. If you want to minimise the impact on your poor body, you must take a blow up bed. And of course, don't forget the foot pump. They're both dirt cheap from eBay/ Amazon, and could just make the difference between a functioning body 2 days later and being post-festival broken.
8. Do not under any circumstances attempt a festival without earplugs and eyemask, unless you're capable of sleeping through a jumbo jet taking off on your doorstep.
9. Do not pack more than one outfit per day. Seriously, you don't need it. Everything you wear will be disgusting within about an hour of putting it on anyway - embrace the filth. Oh, and don't bring anything that you wouldn't be entirely happy to sacrifice to the festival gods. You WILL lose/ break something.
10. Must. Pack. WIPES. Baby wipes, face wipes, any other wipes. Use them liberally.
11. If there's any chance at all of rain, just take wellies. Packing other shoes is just a waste of space.
12. You need lots of plastic bags. LOTS.
13. If you can, take a couple of tangerines or some dried fruit, as well as the usual cereal bars/ biscuits. You'll be glad of the nutrients and natural sugars.
14. Take tonnes of antibac - it goes everywhere you go.
15. If you're a punter, be prepared to queue to get in. For hours. This means you'll be needing ciders to pass the time.
16. Be smart about picking your campsite. You want to be off the beaten path, not at the bottom of a hill if there's any chance of rain, on a flat piece of ground or with your head facing uphill if on a slight slope. Decorate your tent with something identifiable and orientate yourself close to some landmark flags or similar, so you can navigate back even when a little worse for wear.
17. Your festival bag must contain the following things: Antibac, tissues/ plastic bag of loo roll, cash & card, gum, bottle of water, hip flask (if applicable), leggings for when it gets cold (it WILL) and long sleeve top if necessary. Attach to your bag or around your waist: Festival hoody, waterproof (if needed), hat (if needed). With all that, you LITERALLY can't go wrong. Remember, you're a self-contained unit. You carry all you need on your back. Like a tortoise.
18. Stay hydrated and wear a hat. I know I sounds like your mum, but if the sun's out there could be hours at a time when you're without cover. Sun stroke is a thing, as is heat exhaustion, and they can both strike in Inglaterra.
19. Don't forget to eat! But choose your festival food wisely. It's gotta last you, as increased festival prices will apply. A savoury crepe is a favourite of mine, or a wrap filled to the brim. Be sure to watch what other people walk away with in the queue 'cos it can differ greatly from stall to stall in terms of how much you get for your money.
20. Buy a programme. Use it. Structure your wandering and 'experiencing' time around your must-see acts.
21. Fancy dress doesn't just wonderful festival pictures make. Be sure that at least one person in your group of friends has a distinctive headdress or tall prop. Enormous rabbit ears attached to a trilby, or an aubergine on a stick are tried and tested ways to locate your friends once you've missioned it to the bar/ loo.
22. Agree an if-all-else-fails meeting point: Front right main stage, or left corner by the lighting deck. Having studied the programme with your buddies, you'll know where to head if you find yourself on your lonesome.
23. On 'travel day', i.e. the day you have to leave the festival to go home, GET UP EARLY AND GET THE FUCK OUTTA DODGE. It's way better to get the pain of the train out of the way so that you're tucked up in bed under your duvet by the time the real hangover kicks in.
Finally, and most importantly...
24. LOOK AFTER ONE ANOTHER! Festivals are hectic and full of people. Leave no man behind...
Add any top tips you have in the comments below!